The Predicament - Part 2

Still going through some emotional turmoil, but it seems to be settling out. I’ll be gone this weekend so no access to a computer to blog for the next few days. Going to do some shamanic work with some friends.

Let's continue with the Predicament

As stated in the last blog, newborns are pretty clean with regards to their energy, barring any trauma received during the neonatal period. It is our familial conditioning and society’s indoctrination program that cause the problems. The child is a bundle of energy that just wants to explore and play. At this very young age (1-5 or so), that’s really what they should be doing. But parents can only take so much energy being displayed at one time and for such extended lengths of time, that they get activated (in a manner that their parents got activated with them and so on back the generations) and thus begins the clamp down. “No!” becomes the word of the day. Shut the child down as much as possible to reduce the free expression of Being.

The child, of course, doesn’t understand this, he just wants to play, but he hears distress and anger from the parents so he limits himself for a while, but is soon back to the high energy level. The parents come down hard again. This back and forth goes on like this until the shut down becomes a huge energetic smack down. The child then realizes that mommy and daddy are really mad and they don’t seem to love him anymore. He wants mommy and daddy to love him, so he stops / shutdowns his whichever aspect of his essence caused the smack down…permanently. He needs the protection of his parents and if they are mad at him, then maybe they don’t love him and may not therefore protect him.

He takes the essential quality of himself and splits it off, relegating it to a self-imposed exile. And then the genius of this young child creates a vow that says he can’t ______ (fill in the blank) anymore. And then he builds a defensive mechanism to prevent him or anyone else from accessing this part of himself in the future. All of this is geared toward protecting his True Nature from destruction.

He now has a hole in his Being that he now can only fill by looking for it outside of himself. If he gives up his expression of love, he looks outside for people to love him. If he gives up his self-worth, he looks to others to validate him. And because this splitting happens at such a young age, the child doesn’t remember that he did this and spends the rest of his life wondering why he doesn’t feel whole.

By the time we’re young adults, we have split off just about every aspect of our Being, conforming to society’s rule to keep ourselves safe and never fully accessing those parts that would put us against the world’s point of view. We essentially live in our heads, listening to our thoughts create what we think is reality, just to keep our essential qualities safe. We may access those qualities on a partial basis or when we’re alone, but the full expression of each essential quality has ceased.

And yes, traumas have occurred sometimes horrifically, but it is our behavioral responses, our defensive strategies to these traumas that dictate our everyday existence. All to get our True Nature safe. Everything that goes on in our heads is to keep us safe.

That inner critic that says things like one of my earlier blogs:

“People don’t give a fuck about your secretes. You are so narcissistic thinking that people give a rat’s ass about you. You don’t have to give details, do you? Just go on doing the fluffy stuff, that’s the least harmful to you. Take a few days off and think about this. End it now, you might have only one or two people look at it right now, they won’t care if you simply stop writing.”

All of this self-criticism is part of the defensive mechanism do keep my essential Nature safe. If we actually listen to what these voices are telling me and then think about what is the exact opposite of what it is trying to get me to do, then we can figure our the aspect of my Being that is trying to get my attention so that it can come out of exile.

If we look at the example above, you can see that the words spoken are geared toward me not expressing myself in an open manner. This led to trauma as a child for me – denial by others of visions I had or voices I heard, so by keeping to myself or even lying, I can keep myself safe. Yet at the same time, this part of me that wants to be openly expressive is telling me that it is still hidden and wishes to come back and be reintegrated.

The defense mechanism is associated with the Buttons that people can push in others that set them off on emotional rollercoasters. The Buttons act to tell us when we feel unsafe and usually have an offensive mechanism steering the attacker away from our vulnerable spot. The Button wants to be pushed though because the healed part of ourself under the defenses wants to come home, doesn’t want to be hidden anymore. It takes a lot of energy to maintain each hidden aspect of ourself and we each have many, many parts hidden.

There are so many aspects to this Button concept. The way I see it is that we hide a younger aspect of ourself in a “room” somewhere in time and space. This younger aspect is stuck at the age in which the Button is made and holds on to a huge emotional tidal wave that was too massive for that younger aspect to actually express. The younger self felt like it would have been annihilated had it expressed that much emotion.

So the Button hides the younger self, holds a huge emotional tension, and has defensive mechanisms to protect the younger self from being destroyed. Coupled with this is the fact that each Button is hooked to specific chakras, so that when the Button is pushed some of the chakras begin spinning in an opposite orientation to try to discharge the emotional tidal wave stored there, this throws our body’s energy off balance, but we have learned to suppress the wave.

No wonder we need a lot of medication to numb us to our bodies; everything from our neck down is holding on to huge unresolved emotional issues. All our muscles tensions, many of our physical ailments are associated with this storage of undischarged emotions and painful memories.

In order for us to make a decision, it has to be able to pass all of our safety tests - all of our vows to keep us safe - in every button. No wonder most of have hard times making reasonable decisions.

To be continued…