Some Ramblings About President-Elect Trump

Many things concern me about the recent election and President-Elect Trump. Here are two that I wish to bring forward at this time..

First, most people don’t understand the concept of projection as it is used in psychology. Those qualities and impulses that I deny within myself, I attribute to others making it seem that the qualities and impulses are actually arising in the other. Since most of these projections come from material buried deep within my unconscious I don’t ever realize they’re my issues. It’s all about the other and this can externalize as blame-shifting, victimization and bullying.

So, for example, someone holds deep anger within their Being, but it is not all right for them to express it or they don’t feel safe expressing it, so they project anger outwards from themselves. I walk into the room and unconsciously pick up their energetic anger and then proceed to get angry thinking that this is arising within me. “Why the Hell did I just get angry?” All of a sudden there are all sorts of violent thoughts running through my head that weren’t there prior to walking into the room, but somehow I relate these thoughts to the anger and think that it is all arising from within me. One person’s anger can affect my psychological well-being if I am unaware that it’s not mine.

Now imagine a political candidate, this candidate doesn’t have one person projecting their anger towards them, they have millions of projections and each anger projection has different thought forms associated with it. If the candidate is not capable of first, recognizing that they are the target of everyone’s projections and secondly, not having enough ego strength to withstand that amount of energy, their mind will be inundated with thoughts that are not their own, but they will think that they must respond to them because surely these must be my thoughts. This can be quite psychologically paralyzing and create huge amounts of confusion within the thinking processes.

The weak ego’ed candidate will not be able to maintain a stable stream of consciousness and will fluctuate what he says from day to day depending on the prevailing projection from the crowd that day. Sound familiar. President-Elect Trump consistently spoke to the crowd what they wanted to hear mainly because their thoughts we just spewing out of his mouth. Because President-Elect Trump has such a weak ego structure and sense of self, he has an inability to actually maintain the integrity of his message. Thoughts just spew from his mouth because his brain has been scrambled and a sense of mindlessness took over to relieve the psychological stress on the system.

Given too much stress the weak ego will eventually fracture and neurosis or psychosis will present itself. I think we’ve already seen signs of this: his inability to know what is real from fictitious coupled with pathologic lying; and his belief that he is the only one who can actually affect change in this country, who is the most temperate man in the world etc.

He is calm after the election storm because now instead of intense anger coming from half the country (his constituency) there is satisfaction and a sense of righteousness. The need to satisfy everyone is temporarily on hiatus. The other half of the country is scared and stunned and because this is not necessarily aimed at President-Elect Trump, there is no need for him to express those qualities at this time. However, their anger will soon be on the rise as they recover from the shock of the election, so I expect President-Elect Trump’s ego fragility will start fracturing again in the near future - shock that I felt as equivalent to that expressed by the country on 9/11.

However, now there is a new problem he has to deal with: the Archetype of a World Leader. Archetypes are collectedly inherited unconscious ideas, patterns, thoughts, images, etc. that are universally present in individual psyches. There are mom and dad archetypes, doctor and nurse archetypes, student and teacher archetypes, whatever; and when we step into a role as an individual we can actually draw about the collective history of that archetype and use it to inform us as we go about fulfilling that role. Each archetype has defining characteristics associated with it, so when we step into an archetype everything associated with it will come to bear on us. Our speech patterns will change, our body posture, our understandings, even the emotions associated with the archetype.

People don’t realize how much these archetypal energies affect our lives. For example, a man and woman are dating, so they can access the boyfriend and girlfriend archetypes as well as the concept of dating archetype. They have a wonderful relationship and never fight. As soon as they get married, they start fighting day and night. Part of what has happened is that they have discarded the boyfriend and girlfriend archetypes in favor of the husband, wife and marriage archetypes and because of the fragility of their ego structures, they are drawing on negative aspects of the archetype and using the models of their own parents to inform them how to behave as a married couple.

President-Elect Trump has gone from being a Political Candidate to being a President. The archetypal energies associated with this change may be overwhelming for someone with such a weak ego structure as himself. Because of the power behind such a position and associated with the archetype, the Bullying that President-Elect Trump uses for self-protection may now be amplified with the use of military force. The righteousness of the Bully’s mindset (also an archetypal energy) can easily justify war to protect what he thinks is the country’s lack of safety when in reality it is only his own.

 In addition, instead of 120 million people (who voted) projecting their needs /  likes and dislikes on him, there are now over 320 million people who are looking for him for decent leadership and for their protection. This amount of psychological projection can quickly fracture the weak ego leading to paranoia and psychosis. If President-Elect Trump has already lost as sense of what is real and what is unreal just from the electoral process, how will he fare when he’s actually in the White House? It’s not a coincidence that those who are elected to the presidency seem to age much more quickly. The stress is phenomenal and the holding of a country’s psyche is tremendously demanding - physically and psychologically. It takes a strong ego’ed individual to maintain his identity and composure under such duress. I sincerely hope that President-Elect Trump can step up to the plate in this regards.

The Predicament - Part 5

Please excuse the long absence from the blog. I’ve been away from my computer for the better part of three weeks, actually, going on four.

I remember a beautiful series of Seinfeld episodes when George Constanza decides that instead of editing what comes out of his mouth or editing his actions, he going to do everything 180 degrees from his usual habit. So he starts telling the truth or at least what he is experiencing in the moment and his whole life turns around for the better.

That’s what we have to do. Our contracts that filter our day-to-day existence trying to keep us safe, are 180 degrees from the direction we actually want to take. It’s actually that simple. As soon as we edit, we deny our potential. By following what we would actually like to do we bring ourselves to the edge: are we willing to jump and find out what happens. When you do this a couple of times, you realize the edge is an artificial structure geared toward bringing up our fears so that we’ll back away from it to keep yourself safe. But if you jump you destroy the edge and you end up landing in the bigger You. It’s always our choice. If we’re adults, we really can’t blame anyone else for the quality of our life anymore. We can either get over our fear or end our life full of regrets blaming everyone else for our failure to step up to the plate and take a swing. Sure we might strike out this time, but there’s always next time.

So though it’s as simple as that, it’s really quite difficult to do because of the fear. There are actually neurocircuits that are hooked to the safety mechanisms that affect our diaphragm’s muscular contraction. So when the safety mechanism kicks in our breathing becomes rapid and shallow. If we slow down the breathing (you know, count to ten) the circuit weakens. If we face the fear the circuit can be broken – permanently. It’s a hard road, but it’s done one fear at a time until our body reintegrates and works holistically again. This is usually associated with a “landing” into our body which is really the movement from focus our attention of our thoughts as ourself to focusing our attention on our whole being. The current consciousness evolution is embodied awakening. This happens in stages or can happen quite suddenly. No matter what, when it happens your life changes dramatically.

I have no idea if this relates to anything I’ve said previously, but hey, what the heck, I’m just rambling.

Today’s secret – a nasty one.

I remember a dream I’ve had for most of my life. I’m in a shower and my penis is huge and I start sucking it. The dream haunted me for a long time and I thought that maybe it was a sign that I was homosexual but suppressing it. However, the hugeness of the penis never made sense.

One day when I was doing some intense inner work while laying back in my recliner, to try to get some motion to the psychological processes I started moving my head from side to side while saying the word “no”. After a few minutes a whole series of images flashed through my mind regarding the above dream. It wasn’t my penis, but my father’s. The trauma was so great from this that I realized I had deleted my father from the dream (actually all of my dreams). The huge penis was his, but since I had deleted the rest of my father, my mind couldn’t cope with a penis just floating in space in the dream, so it attached the penis to my body. This horrific event was the way my father taught me that homosexuality was a perverted and nasty, disgusting mutuation of human relationship. While having to give him fellatio (to the end) he scolded me on how anyone who did this was going to hell, was an animal, disgusting, perverted, etc.

Remember, in those days, people thought you could do anything you wanted to anyone under 5 and they wouldn’t remember it happened. Right, but the subconscious mind and the body remembers, thus the dreams. No wonder I had a terrible relationship with that man. This is the one time in my life where the trauma was so great, I don’t remember coming back into my body afterwards. The held energies from this event have affected the quality of my teeth, jaw and mouth my whole life. I didn’t even want to brush my teeth when I was younger – part of the safety mechanism of keeping anything away from my mouth. After I had this realization, the dreams mostly stopped. I’ve occasionally had one now and then since that time. Rough, hug?!!!?

The Predicament - Part 4

A sense of depression is moving through today, more so than my usual low level depression. Just watching. Sits in my throat. Haven’t figured out what I’m not saying yet. My truth, of course, but not many truly know the Truth they were designed to express.

So let me continue with the predicament. I’ll recap a little before going on.

By the time we’re young adults we’ve set aside the full expression of most (if not all) of our innate capacities, have dumped a huge defense network on a “organ” (our local mind) that is not designed for suppression and control of the local expression of the Soul, namely us, and because the local mind does not know who to actually do the job we’ve asked it to, we become either neurotic, psychotic or both. We live in our heads and everything from our necks down becomes part of our subconscious mind. The trauma remains locked in our physical bodies as muscle tensions and stressed organs, our emotional body all but shuts down expect for the few allowed expressions of emotions and our mental body gets filled up with cycling thought forms that point back to the “buttons”/traumas that we haven’t fully integrated. All of this to keep us safe and all of this designed by us.

I’ll put today’s secret right here, because it shows the power of our minds to protect us. As a 4-5 year old, I was molested in the woods behind my house by a local pedophile who was a good friend of one of my older brothers. I know of four others children who were affected by this individual. I don’t remember the exact details because at the time I dissociated from my body and re-associated at later time of which I am aware. I was standing outside my back door wondering how I got there. Still very vivid. How did my mind and body react to this trauma? For one, by creating a super-sensitivity and reactivity to poison ivy. If I simply brushed by a poison ivy leaf, I became covered over my whole body with huge blisters of poison ivy rash. An excellent deterrent to keep me out of the woods and thus safe from future attacks. Secondly, I developed a musky, skunk-like odor in my underarms that I secrete whenever I have sexual activity. Not the nicest smelling, but who wants to have sex with something that smells like a skunk. Another good deterrent, at least, it’s quite ingenious for a 4-5 year old to come up with to protect himself. I put this here to show you the irrational extremes we can go to, to protect ourselves from further pain, even at the cost of illness.

So again most people don’t fully express their essential qualities because somewhere along the way they were traumatized as children when they showed their true selves, their true capacities, their true gifts. We scared the shit out of our parents who didn’t know what to do with such “huge energetic Beings” so they shut us down before we got too old and too big not to let them do it. We were brutalized physically, emotionally and mentally; and trained to suppress and oppress our true selves in favor of a fiction, society-approved, which allowed us to walk “safely” in the world and not “scare” others with our hugeness.

But ultimately this led to depression, frustration, anger, confusion, disorientation and dissociation because we couldn’t express our Love and Light fully. We gave in, because not to do so would have destroyed us. This is an important statement for ultimately we chose to hide our capacities. Yes, we were traumatized, but it was our behavioral choices based on those traumas that effects are lives in the present moment.

So in order to please those around us and insure our safety we live other’s expectation of what our lives should be instead of following our heart’s yearnings and callings. Our authority was stripped away by our parents in power struggles that removed our personal boundaries and left us open to be preyed upon for the rest of our lives by our family, friends, schools, politicians and anyone else who realized that we do not have the capacity to say “No!”

But we’re designed to want to use our gifts to benefit others. We’re designed to serve. That is what truly makes the human heart expand. And that’s what human life is all about – to constantly increase our heart’s capacity to express Love and Light by service to others.

So this blog should be about empowering the reader to increase their heart’s capacity for Love, to take back their authority and power, to help them own and express their innate gifts completely and without reservation. That’s all any of us wants to do, to freely express our gifts, our creativity, our thoughts, our whole Being without judgment or condemnation, to be completely accepted and supported by those who say they love us. And acceptance is key here. We’ve taken a poor substitute for acceptance in our society – tolerance.

Let me give you some of my definitions:

Intolerance: I hate you or what you stand for and I’m going to do something about it.

Tolerance: I hate you or what you stand for, but I can’t do anything about it at this time.

Acceptance: I love you just the way you are and benefit from your presence on the planet.

Tolerance is not going to get us there. Acceptance will. Tolerance still has judgment and moral valuation associated with it. Acceptance simply let’s life be as life is. Acceptance allows our heart to expand. This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us, but it allows us to relax around the understanding that everyone is expressing their traumas via their neuroses and psychoses and we don’t need to take their stuff personally.

So this is our predicament. We live in constant fear of people getting to our essence qualities of Being, so we have to put up facades to protect ourselves and thus give up the expression of our True Nature on this planet. But we’re actually here to express our True Nature so it’s time we grew up, as in, freeing all of our unresolved emotional turmoil so that our emotional body can become unblocked and our emotions can mature. Remember, each believe system / contract we live our life by has an emotional charge anchored to it and it is that emotional charge that seems to pull us back to the past, not to relive the trauma, but to integrate the emotion fully.

More ramblings to come…

The Predicament - Part 3

I’ve been travelling the last couple of weeks without a computer so there has been no blogs. I’m doing okay at this time. Still a sense of urgency to get writing done and yet at the same time there is a hesitancy about actually writing. A nice paradox.

So let’s continue.

So our life is a process of emotional suppression which forces our bodies to store tensions and, contractions wherever it can, to numb ourselves to pain which we think will overwhelm and annihilate us, to fill our days with distracting exercises – reading, watching TV, listening to music, sex, eating namely all our addictive behaviors. All geared to prevent us from accessing our vulnerable child nature which could potentially lead to further trauma – at least this is our irrational fear.

Our defense mechanisms are typically geared for outward expression, but what if instead we went internal? What if we asked our protective mechanisms to set themselves aside for a moment so that we can get a clearer look at this little one hiding away? What if we just stopped judging all the stories we have going and let the internal tapes run while we simply observed them? Are we willing to give up the “stories” that define who we think we are?

“I’m not enough. I have no discipline. That’s too hard to do. I was never able to learn that in school. My body’s always been dysfunctional, weak, fat, skinny, whatever.”

Why are these stories so much better than the following?

“I am lovable. I love change and thrive on novelty and curiousity. I always wanted to learn that and now I have the chance. I accept my body just as it is. I don’t need society to define what I look like.”

The first stories seem better because they help us remain within the “tribe” culture of Western society. They keep us safe. But the planet is changing and we have to start letting go of the older stories in favor of more empowering stories or no stories at all. Can we allow each day, each experience to define us for just that moment, gain the wisdom, and then just let it all go? Can our culture live that way? So we need to listen to ourselves talking and stop giving energy to those patterns of thought and speech that disempower us.

Our culture is one of victimization. “He did this to me. She hurt me. He looked at me weird.” We live in a triangle of disempowerment. Someone bullies us and we feel victimized. We then complain to someone else and they sympathize and agree with us that we were indeed victimized. And belief it or not, we can be all three to ourselves. Our inner critic seems to bully us, another part feels victimized and a third part goes to the freezer for some ice cream to soothe our pain.

                                                     Bully, Tyrant

                                                  /                      \

                                               /                            \

                                         Victim ------------ Savior, Rescuer

Each person needs to evaluate how this triangle is running in their lives. “How is my boss treating me today? My friend gossiped about me. That man lied to me.” Once we begin to see this pattern running we realize that we don’t want to be a victim anymore (at least some people don’t want to be) and we begin to search for ways to get off this triangle. The easiest way is to simply love and listen to the part that is feeling victimized.

Don’t blame, but be with the true feelings and emotions that wish to arise. Giving space for our true feelings and emotions to arise frees up the young parts that we think need to remain hidden. All those parts really want is to express the feelings and emotions they either were not able to when they were younger or weren’t allowed to.

As a note: I distinguish between feelings and emotions. For me, feelings are the actual sensations that are arising in my body – constrictions and tensions, pain, hot/cold; while emotions are things like – joy, hate, happiness, sadness, grief, bliss, etc.

For myself, I have found I go through three phases. There’s the “It” or “Part of me” phase that isolates an aspect of my being for observation. The “It” that was stuck in the past. I then move to the “You” phase and have a dialogue or some form of interaction with an inner boy or girl. I am now relating with myself. The third phase is when I realize that I’m the one who is scared, sad, mad, grieving, happy, etc. In this last phase I own that these are my feelings and emotions and not some abstract notion about a part of myself. I realize “I” am stuck in a belief about time and space and victimhood. Allowing all this to arise releases the underlying pressure of my suppressive mechanism and frees the feelings and emotions to move again in a more natural manner. This is the way in which I learn to love myself one piece at a time.

Enough rambling for today. To be continued…

Secret of the Day

When I was in fifth grade a bunch of my friends and I experimented with smoking. My father smoked three packs a day so he never really missed a pack missing from his carton. One day after school, we decided to hit the convenience store across the street en masse. Create enough confusion for the small shop owner that he wouldn’t notice someone stealing a small cigar. I was the one chosen to steal the cigar which I did.

 Now it may not seem like a big secret to you, but this memory still sits quite prominently in my awareness, so it definitely had a huge impact on my life. I stole. The act of taking something that did not belong to me. To a ten year old it was a far cry from my usual way of being in the world. I feel dirty just typing this out like I’m a hardened criminal who should be locked away. The typical irrational thoughts of a child.

The Predicament - Part 2

Still going through some emotional turmoil, but it seems to be settling out. I’ll be gone this weekend so no access to a computer to blog for the next few days. Going to do some shamanic work with some friends.

Let's continue with the Predicament

As stated in the last blog, newborns are pretty clean with regards to their energy, barring any trauma received during the neonatal period. It is our familial conditioning and society’s indoctrination program that cause the problems. The child is a bundle of energy that just wants to explore and play. At this very young age (1-5 or so), that’s really what they should be doing. But parents can only take so much energy being displayed at one time and for such extended lengths of time, that they get activated (in a manner that their parents got activated with them and so on back the generations) and thus begins the clamp down. “No!” becomes the word of the day. Shut the child down as much as possible to reduce the free expression of Being.

The child, of course, doesn’t understand this, he just wants to play, but he hears distress and anger from the parents so he limits himself for a while, but is soon back to the high energy level. The parents come down hard again. This back and forth goes on like this until the shut down becomes a huge energetic smack down. The child then realizes that mommy and daddy are really mad and they don’t seem to love him anymore. He wants mommy and daddy to love him, so he stops / shutdowns his whichever aspect of his essence caused the smack down…permanently. He needs the protection of his parents and if they are mad at him, then maybe they don’t love him and may not therefore protect him.

He takes the essential quality of himself and splits it off, relegating it to a self-imposed exile. And then the genius of this young child creates a vow that says he can’t ______ (fill in the blank) anymore. And then he builds a defensive mechanism to prevent him or anyone else from accessing this part of himself in the future. All of this is geared toward protecting his True Nature from destruction.

He now has a hole in his Being that he now can only fill by looking for it outside of himself. If he gives up his expression of love, he looks outside for people to love him. If he gives up his self-worth, he looks to others to validate him. And because this splitting happens at such a young age, the child doesn’t remember that he did this and spends the rest of his life wondering why he doesn’t feel whole.

By the time we’re young adults, we have split off just about every aspect of our Being, conforming to society’s rule to keep ourselves safe and never fully accessing those parts that would put us against the world’s point of view. We essentially live in our heads, listening to our thoughts create what we think is reality, just to keep our essential qualities safe. We may access those qualities on a partial basis or when we’re alone, but the full expression of each essential quality has ceased.

And yes, traumas have occurred sometimes horrifically, but it is our behavioral responses, our defensive strategies to these traumas that dictate our everyday existence. All to get our True Nature safe. Everything that goes on in our heads is to keep us safe.

That inner critic that says things like one of my earlier blogs:

“People don’t give a fuck about your secretes. You are so narcissistic thinking that people give a rat’s ass about you. You don’t have to give details, do you? Just go on doing the fluffy stuff, that’s the least harmful to you. Take a few days off and think about this. End it now, you might have only one or two people look at it right now, they won’t care if you simply stop writing.”

All of this self-criticism is part of the defensive mechanism do keep my essential Nature safe. If we actually listen to what these voices are telling me and then think about what is the exact opposite of what it is trying to get me to do, then we can figure our the aspect of my Being that is trying to get my attention so that it can come out of exile.

If we look at the example above, you can see that the words spoken are geared toward me not expressing myself in an open manner. This led to trauma as a child for me – denial by others of visions I had or voices I heard, so by keeping to myself or even lying, I can keep myself safe. Yet at the same time, this part of me that wants to be openly expressive is telling me that it is still hidden and wishes to come back and be reintegrated.

The defense mechanism is associated with the Buttons that people can push in others that set them off on emotional rollercoasters. The Buttons act to tell us when we feel unsafe and usually have an offensive mechanism steering the attacker away from our vulnerable spot. The Button wants to be pushed though because the healed part of ourself under the defenses wants to come home, doesn’t want to be hidden anymore. It takes a lot of energy to maintain each hidden aspect of ourself and we each have many, many parts hidden.

There are so many aspects to this Button concept. The way I see it is that we hide a younger aspect of ourself in a “room” somewhere in time and space. This younger aspect is stuck at the age in which the Button is made and holds on to a huge emotional tidal wave that was too massive for that younger aspect to actually express. The younger self felt like it would have been annihilated had it expressed that much emotion.

So the Button hides the younger self, holds a huge emotional tension, and has defensive mechanisms to protect the younger self from being destroyed. Coupled with this is the fact that each Button is hooked to specific chakras, so that when the Button is pushed some of the chakras begin spinning in an opposite orientation to try to discharge the emotional tidal wave stored there, this throws our body’s energy off balance, but we have learned to suppress the wave.

No wonder we need a lot of medication to numb us to our bodies; everything from our neck down is holding on to huge unresolved emotional issues. All our muscles tensions, many of our physical ailments are associated with this storage of undischarged emotions and painful memories.

In order for us to make a decision, it has to be able to pass all of our safety tests - all of our vows to keep us safe - in every button. No wonder most of have hard times making reasonable decisions.

To be continued…

The Predicament - Part 1

Sorry about not posting yesterday, but I decided to move my blog to its own site off of my business’ site.

I like to start off with what’s going on internally. I had a friend comment that I should make sure to be loving to myself through this whole process, since I’m telling others to be loving. Trust me, I am. I am giving you the inner dialogue that occurs when I get activated, but I am not the thoughts. They are swirling around in there and I am watching them and treat them with care and appreciate how they have protected me all these years. Lots of love and gratitude to them. As for the secrets, it seems to be taking time for this first one to process. Lots of anxiety. Feels like I want to run to the hills. To put another one out there would be traumatizing and that goes against everything I am trying to do here. The processing must be organic and run its own course.

The Predicament

I love the Peruvian shamans’ experience of our multidimensional structure. They see us as a torus of light with the energy leaving the top of the head through the crown chakra, circling around to below our feet and then upward through our first chakra. They call this structure the Luminous Energy Field (LEF) and the chakras connect it to the physical body. And yes, the Peruvians do see a chakra system. For them, the chakras are energy centers that spin in a clockwise manner when functioning normally, and have a counter-clockwise spin when discharging energy from the LEF and body. Typically, the LEF is a beautiful rainbow of strands of energy that permeate and circumnavigate the whole torus.

Unfortunately, most humans do not have an LEF that is pure and clean, but riddled with knots of energy that warp and distort the flow of energy through and around the body. Why is that? Because, humans have never really had their central nervous systems / brains functioning in a balanced and synchronized manner, that is, the right and left side working in cooperation instead of competition or not at all.

The indigenous tribes were very right-brained with little desire to be analytical. They had oral traditions with little to no written language, no mathematics, though highly intuitive. There was a real connection to the planet and Nature. Their energies would have been considered to range from mainly feminine to possibly hyper-feminine.

Those in Western culture or that derived from the start of an agricultural society are very left-brained. Logic, reasoning, language, mathematics are typical of this use of the brain. Their energies would be consider masculine and to a large extent hyper-masculine which feels isolated from the world and sees everything as competition. Survival of the fittest and thoughts like that define the Westerner’s worldview. More on this when I speak about chakras and Maslov’s Need Heirarchy especially the second chakra.

So why is the West so dysfunctional? First off, because we really don’t know how to raise children. We don’t allow enough time for each stage of a child’s develop to mature before we force the child into adult patterns which their bodies aren’t yet capable of handling. This causes a severe short-circuiting of the body’s energetics which leads to trauma. This is especially noticeable around our emotions which for some reason are anathema in our society. This is our major dysfunction, we do not process emotions properly (a second chakra capacity) and therefore do not know how to release them from a system that was stunted in its development long before our capacity to actually handle emotions matured. This leads to needless disease and suffering.

Secondly, most of us raised in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s actually had to parent our parents because they were so fucked up. This pushed us into adulthood at the ages of 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and we therefore lost out our childhoods – a time when play and exploration of our capacities should have been priority. And there are a lot of qualities of our essence they needed to develop at this time.

Ken Wilbur in his Integral View gives twenty-five or so streams or lines of development such as: cognition / thinking, morals, self-identity, psychosexuality, idea of the good, role taking, socio-economic capacity, creativity, altruism, care, openness, concern, religious faith, meditative states, communicative competence, modes of space and time, affect / emotion, death-seizure, needs, world views, mathematical competence, musical skills, kinesthetic, gender identity, defense mechanisms, interpersonal capacity and empathy.

A. H. Almaas gives a large list with his Diamond Approach: love, sweetness, warmth, friendliness, kindness, empathy, clarity, discernment, discrimination, intelligence, synthesis, will, steadfastness,, commitment, contact, personalness, humanness, gentleness, subtlety, refinement, openness, curious, happiness, enjoyment, exquisiteness, balance, courage, justice, detachment, objectivity, precision, spaciousness, expansion, depth, capacity, initiative, passion, fulfillment, satisfaction, contentment, nourishment, generosity even individuation,  identity and existence.

Why have I shown so many of these qualities? To show that the shutting down of the open, free spirit of a child affects a large number of potentials and is not easily remedied by one-step, simple solution.

Now, these capacities and qualities do not just develop at a specific age and then stop growing. Once they come online, they continue to develop and mature throughout the lifetime of an individual. So some of these qualities may simply be “immature” due to lack of experience and not because of trauma and we will cycle around to a particular quality when the need for it to mature further presents itself.

However, to continue with the Predicament, many of these qualities actually do get aborted when we are very young by our training and enculturation. And this causes our LEF to lose its ability to circulate light and energy to its full capacity. And I’ll talk about what’s going on here in the next blog

To be continued…

Truth Should Be Simple - Part 3

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Still having a lot of emotional and psychological turmoil boiling up around how this blog is unfolding:

“People don’t give a fuck about your secretes. You are so narcissistic thinking that people give a rat’s ass about you. You don’t have to give details, do you? Just go on doing the fluffy stuff, that’s the least harmful to you. Take a few days off and think about this. End it now, you might have only one or two people look at it right now, they won’t care if you simply stop writing.”

Still, trying to keep me safe. I honor and love my self for having the genius to protect me. Thanks.

So let me continue with this idea of Light. This Light that I’m talking about has wonderful qualities such as: unconditional love, compassion, peace, strength, power, authority, infinite intelligence and lots of other capacities of Being.

Now how New-Agey and cliché is that, but I find it to be true. So, let me focus on Love right now. Love isn’t just an emotion as it’s been defined by society, it’s a full-blown experience of Being bursting forth in whatever form of creative expression it can imagine. It’s the Sun rising each morning, a flower blooming and releasing it’s essence into the air, an eagle soaring overhead appearing utterly still as it rests on the rising thermals, it’s the puppy chasing it’s tail, or the smile of a newborn baby. It’s Life with a capital “L.”

Now when I sense into my body as to what society calls love, I experience it as possessiveness. “This is my wife / my husband / my significant other.” “This is my child / my pet / my car.” People, pets, whatever are objects to possess and that possession is what we call love. It’s all about ownership. “I can love my significant other, but I’m jealous if anyone else looks at them in that way, so you better start looking the other way right now. They are not allowed to ‘love’ my significant other in that way, only I am.” The operative word here is “my”. This is the child proclaiming “Mine, mine, mine!!!!” (Flash to seagulls in Finding Nemo.)

To have the firsthand experience of the Love that I’m talking about, simply look at a newborn baby. This is Love that has not yet been warped and tarnished to look like what we expect love to look like. This Love just naturally flows from them, they haven’t learned yet how to contain it. It’s the nuclear fusion of a Sun bundled into a package about 21” long, weighing 10 pounds radiating out megatons of pure Being at light speed in every direction. Most people’s reaction to experiencing a newborn is to smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It’s our inner self recognizing its True Nature as the Sun-ness that it is. The smile and fuzziness have a real hard time not arising.

People who have an adverse reaction to newborns are in reaction to being activated to their True Nature. It takes so much energy to keep our True Nature from actual arising, to keep it safe, but it only takes the presence of a newborn to rip it down. So people get angry for having their supposedly unbreachable fortresses breached so easily. We think our defenses are so strong, but they’re just paper houses in a hurricane.

Yet, if we think about it, wouldn’t we want people to smile every time we came into their presence? Think about how human relations would take an evolutionary step forward if we came to all our interactions from the place of our True Nature. Instead, we put up fortresses of solitude and people don’t experience Love when they come into our presence, they experience fear, defensiveness, standoffishness, and people are most likely not going to smile when they feel that.

The defenses are going to fall anyway. We’re actually powerful self-healing systems and our True Nature wants to shine as brilliantly as it possible can, so it chisels away at our defenses as fast as we put them up. Most people are at a standoff between their construction and our Ture Nature’s destruction of the defense structures. So why not surrender to their removal instead of fighting it. It will happen in an organic manner that actually won’t overwhelm while it’s happening. Why would our True Nature wish to traumatize us even more? Fighting it only prolongs our suffering and the inevitable.

We need to get over our fear of the Light. We need to let our Sun rise.

Secret of the Day

Let’s start off a little mild. It took a while for me, but after the Internet really got going I found porn. I think most males have. I didn’t look for it every day, but I looked. However, over time it became more frequent until my wife found a picture of a vagina that had been accidently downloaded on to the desktop of her computer. (Oops!! Didn’t catch that!!) After that, I decided to take a closer look at what I was actually drawn to and found that there were a couple of patterns that pointed back to childhood issues / traumas that I was reliving vicariously through the porn. This took the focus off the porn and back onto my own issues. I haven’t completely resolved these issues yet, but they have gone through extensive healing nonetheless.

Looking at the porn is actually re-traumatizing and drains me energetically so I don’t really get drawn back there anymore. It makes me feel too icky, dirty, violated. And it brings up shitloads of guilt and shame when looking at it. Do I still go? Once about every six months or so, for an hour or so. When this happens I look at the content and move it back to my inner processing. A lot of abusive shit happened in my childhood and, believe it or not, the porn is helping me identify what went on. Who would have thunk it?

Man, is my jaw clenched right now. WTF!!!!!

Truth Should Be Simple - Part 2

“What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” Haruki Murakami

I’m going to digress for a few paragraphs (actually today’s whole blog) to tell you what happened last evening after I posted yesterday’s blog. I got depressed by a hypercritical barrage of disparaging thoughts that inundated and commandeered my thinking process for hours:

“You’re a fucking moron. You’re pathetic. You started off your blog as just another diatribe of New Age tripe that probably won’t impact the lives of others. People will think you’re an idiot.”

I think you get the idea. So I rushed to the computer around midnight and started typing frenetically to reassess my approach and make things right again, to say the things I thought you really needed to hear. A half hour later I had a whole page of scathing commentary to show my readers that I just wasn’t another New Age-spouting sycophant. Of course, those words don’t appear on this page. Learning to give myself time for my emotional wave to wash through me before responding has definitely been a life-saver. I went ot bed without posting.

So what happened yesterday?

I told you what I was actually thinking. I rarely do that. I’m pretty empathic and I found out early on that people felt most comfortable around me when I repeated back to them what they were thinking and what to hear. That made them think that I was on the same “wavelength” as they and it had the added benefit of making them less threatening to me. Namely, keeping my thoughts to myself kept me safe; and trust me, I’ve had my thoughts turned back on me enough times in my life because of misunderstanding or misinterpreting what I originally said.

So I told you what I actually thought yesterday and it activated a part of me that was trying to stay hidden from view. Huge amounts of agitation and belittlement, activating magnificent defense mechanisms that keep me from speaking my mind. Those demoralizing thoughts listed above weren’t designed to belittle me, they were designed to keep my mouth shut and thus keep me safe.

Anyway, I awoke with a lot of clarity around what happened and the direction this blog is going to take which is: To be a truly authentic human there must be complete transparency of being. All of my defense mechanisms prevent my Light from shining fully in the world, and believe me, its brilliance is magnificent. This is not an egocentric remark, because as I go about making myself transparent to the whole world, you’ll see a model / approach of how to become the transparent as well and recognize the magnificent brilliance that you are, too. You really are.

At the center of my Being, I am this little boy holding his golden heart out for the world to see so that they may benefit from his Light and Love. That’s it. All of my defense mechanisms are geared toward protecting this little boy from harm. But at the same time they protect him, they limit him from being fully seen and experienced in the world. So this blog will not only tell you about how I view the world and the lessons I've learn along my spiritual path, but it will be a real-time deconstructing of my numerous remaining defense mechanisms and the part of me that talks about the little boy in the third person, is part of those defense mechanisms.

This will be brutal in many ways. First off, I will be continually opening the doors to my heart. Unheard of as far as I’m concerned!!! That means lots of vulnerability on my part and lots of emotions arising because people will get to see me for who I really am and not the façade I’ve always projected. I’ll do this by putting something out there and then seeing how I react to it which I will also put out there. Holy Shit!!! The defense mechanisms are already getting jittery.

And two, people are going to have to deal with their own discomfort of what I am saying and the judgments that will arise within and about themselves and about me. Some people may not want to associate with me down the road. Hopefully my loved ones will be accepting of me as I go through this process. These are my behavioral patterns and perceived memories that I will be dealing with and have little to do with who they are. Though it will definitely affect them the most, it is not intended to harm them in any way.

I could spend years writing this stuff pertaining to my vulnerability in journals, but if no one actually sees it, then the defense mechanisms remain intact and invisible. By putting myself in the public forum, specific defense mechanisms will be activated that I can then explore and dismantle in a gentle and loving way. It’s what happened yesterday. It’s a process of allowing those things that I perceive as humiliating events to wash out of my system. They require too much energy to keep hidden and in the long run they’re just thought forms. So think of this as a work of fiction and don’t take it personally. I will take it personally until I don’t, but there is no need for you to at the outset.

Secrets are the concepts we defend the most, and as long as I have secrets, and I have plenty, those secrets will dictate the quality of my life. And the biggest secrets in my life, and therefore some of my strongest defense structures, are associated with my sexuality and the abuse thereof. I’m actually scared out of my wits typing this and almost crying!! So this blog isn’t about what you need to hear, it’s about what I need to say.

Let me finish today’s blog with this. As I said in my first blog, humanity is dysfunctional and always has been. This time in our existence we are being given a chance to move beyond that dysfunction into functionality. I told a friend in 1993 that the next evolution of humans wasn’t a physical one, but one of consciousness. It’s happening anyway and it’s going to continue to happen as we allow the capacity of our hearts to express Love to increase moment by moment. The more we Love, the more our Light shines. Vulnerability becomes our strength, not our weakness.

To be continued…

Truth Should Be Simple - Part 1

“The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.” Albert Einstein

I’ve heard it said many times that Truth should be simple. Of course, many proponents of the particular Truths that I’ve been exposed to are already on their fifth book explaining their simple Truth, so I guess Truth is simple, but in order to explain that simplicity requires a lot of complexity.

With that in mind I’ll give my simple Truth up front and then the years of blogs down the road will be to show I how I got to that simple Truth. That way you’ll know where I’ll be going with my blog up front. And if you feel you’ve now reached Enlightenment because of exposure to this simple Truth, you can stop reading the blog after today. Fair enough. And have fun being Englightened. (Again, by the time I get done blogging this Truth may have changed.)

You’ve heard The Beatles song “All You Need Is Love,” well this is a take off on that:

“All I Am Is Light.”

An important note here: Before lunch with some close friends this had read “All I Am Is Love,” and I had written a bunch of stuff about Love to convey my understanding of this, but I realized on my drive home that Love was too limiting a concept. Light is a more encompassing phenomenon. (The exposition on Love will still be explored, but I’ve incorporated it now into this large perspective. Again, this is why this blog may not be written every day. First I need to write it out and then I need to check to see if what I’ve said actually feels true or not (See disclaimer above.). This may take a couple of hours or even days. If what I’ve written doesn’t resonate as true to myself, I’ll need to rescan my internal archives to find a more inclusive concept.) Let’s continue.

Light makes more sense since the process we’re pursuing is aptly called Enlightenment. Love is now just one quality of this concept I am calling Light. Light as I mean it includes the complete electromagnetic spectrum, anything that vibrates, as well as things that don’t seem to. It’s not actually truly describable. Light is the ultimate paradox. It is either a particle or a waveform depending on how it is observed and is actually both and neither at the same time. It is in essence the prime example of Duality?

“Does this Truth make sense?” I asked myself. And the answer is “Yes, it is actually observable.” For example, there are times when an athlete falls into the “zone.” Fans observe the individual in the “zone” as moving so much faster than everyone else around him / her, and yet from the perspective of the person in the “zone” time seems to have come to a standstill.

What’s happened? They’ve so released all constraints placed upon them by time and space and their perceived limitations on their physical-ness that for just a few moments this relaxation of Being causes such a dynamic shift in their frequency of vibration that they seem to be moving at light speed compared to everyone around them. And as Einstein predicts in his Theory of Relativity, the closer you get to the speed of light, the slower time becomes. It this instance only a small frequency shift toward light speed was necessary to cause the dramatic time shift observed. Have others observed this?

Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience identifies a self-surpassing dimension of human experience [the Zone] that is recognized by people the world over, regardless of culture, gender, race, or nationality. Its characteristics include deep concentration, highly efficient performance, emotional buoyancy, a heightened sense of mastery, a lack of self-consciousness, and self-transcendence.

With this in mind, for me, timelessness, or this Flow, is our natural state. I was born and lived from a sense of timelessness and Flow, there were only sensations of distress that we as adults would label as hunger, wet, need for physical contact, whatever. I didn’t think as a baby “Oh, I’m wet right now, where is that lowly butt-wiper that is supposed to keep me dry and clean.” No, there was just an unpleasant sensation that wished to be resolved so that Blissfulness could return. Turn on the water-works accompanied with a loud piercing, bone-jarring tone and, lo and behold, a loud clumping sound is heard hurriedly getting closer to me so as to return me to Bliss. Now that’s’ results.

It is the learning of time from those around me as I grew that caused my vibration to slow down to the point that I fell out of my natural state, my Flow, and lost my sense of Oceanic Bliss, timelessness, self-transcendence. I’ve now spent subsequent decades of my life after that loss trying to return to that Oceanic Bliss, thinking there was something wrong with me for losing it in the first place. I mean, all the meditation folks keep telling me I’m supposed to be experiencing Bliss, but it’s not happening. “What the hell’s going on here?” “Who the hell is talking inside my head?” “Why won’t they shut up?” “I guess I’m not there yet.” Lots more on this in the future.

So Light, in whatever form it deems necessary, seems to be the basic building block of my reality. It’s not possible to separate me from Light for to do so would cause me to cease to exist. I am energy and damn proud it. My wife, of course, would say the only energy I emit is methane. It’s just one form, but oh, so delightful.

To be continued…

Why A Blog? Sort of An Intro

I have too many words, thoughts, ideas in my head and my ears are started to ooze them out upon the ground like sap from a maple tree during the Spring thaw. There they coalesce into all sorts of shapes and I keep stepping on them and stumbling over them. However, it seems a waste for them to return to the ethers without someone else having the benefit of seeing them. You never know, they might actually help even just one other individual on the planet other than myself. And that could be a good thing.

So who am I. I really haven't figured that out yet, and it's a possibility I never will. I was born in 1961, so that makes me middle-aged (or then-some) and have traveled a long journey, a spiritual path, if you will since 1993. And by spiritual, I simply mean one in which I have explored my relationship to the Universe around me. It's one that many people on the planet are currently exploring as well.

So in 1993 a huge shift occurred in my Being. I realize I was an asshole and also realized that people didn't like being on the butt-end of an asshole's ire. Now most people never come to the realization that they're an asshole, so this was quite an astonishing revelation to say the least. Most people are quite narcissistic and have little understanding of how their words and actions effect the lives of those around them and the world around them. So in 1993, I had this realization and I decided to start treating people with more respect, even reverence, and started to accept them as they were. More about this in future blogs.

Now when I say that most people are narcissistic, I am not putting people down. We live in a dysfunctional society, and it's always been like this. Narcissism is just a way of surviving in a world that sees you as nothing more than an object to be used and disposed of. So you need to look out for yourself and this requires a certain level of self-centeredness. Unfortunately, we've made narcissism into an art form and the results of our creative output is the carnage of society and the world. More about this in future blogs also.

So I'll end today's blog by saying that I'm going to explore how I view the world, lessons I've learn along my spiritual path, how we can go about exploring how we view the world, how we can begin to examine if the way we view the world represents Reality or reality, the second of which is simply how we see the world through our perceptual filters, though I'm not sure we can ever see the "R' Reality, and whatever the hell else I want to put in here. Will I write every day? Not sure. But hopefully there won't be long gaps between my personal ramblings. See lots of words tumbling to the ground.

Have a good day. And lots of love to you. And oh yeah, I miss you already.