The Predicament - Part 4

A sense of depression is moving through today, more so than my usual low level depression. Just watching. Sits in my throat. Haven’t figured out what I’m not saying yet. My truth, of course, but not many truly know the Truth they were designed to express.

So let me continue with the predicament. I’ll recap a little before going on.

By the time we’re young adults we’ve set aside the full expression of most (if not all) of our innate capacities, have dumped a huge defense network on a “organ” (our local mind) that is not designed for suppression and control of the local expression of the Soul, namely us, and because the local mind does not know who to actually do the job we’ve asked it to, we become either neurotic, psychotic or both. We live in our heads and everything from our necks down becomes part of our subconscious mind. The trauma remains locked in our physical bodies as muscle tensions and stressed organs, our emotional body all but shuts down expect for the few allowed expressions of emotions and our mental body gets filled up with cycling thought forms that point back to the “buttons”/traumas that we haven’t fully integrated. All of this to keep us safe and all of this designed by us.

I’ll put today’s secret right here, because it shows the power of our minds to protect us. As a 4-5 year old, I was molested in the woods behind my house by a local pedophile who was a good friend of one of my older brothers. I know of four others children who were affected by this individual. I don’t remember the exact details because at the time I dissociated from my body and re-associated at later time of which I am aware. I was standing outside my back door wondering how I got there. Still very vivid. How did my mind and body react to this trauma? For one, by creating a super-sensitivity and reactivity to poison ivy. If I simply brushed by a poison ivy leaf, I became covered over my whole body with huge blisters of poison ivy rash. An excellent deterrent to keep me out of the woods and thus safe from future attacks. Secondly, I developed a musky, skunk-like odor in my underarms that I secrete whenever I have sexual activity. Not the nicest smelling, but who wants to have sex with something that smells like a skunk. Another good deterrent, at least, it’s quite ingenious for a 4-5 year old to come up with to protect himself. I put this here to show you the irrational extremes we can go to, to protect ourselves from further pain, even at the cost of illness.

So again most people don’t fully express their essential qualities because somewhere along the way they were traumatized as children when they showed their true selves, their true capacities, their true gifts. We scared the shit out of our parents who didn’t know what to do with such “huge energetic Beings” so they shut us down before we got too old and too big not to let them do it. We were brutalized physically, emotionally and mentally; and trained to suppress and oppress our true selves in favor of a fiction, society-approved, which allowed us to walk “safely” in the world and not “scare” others with our hugeness.

But ultimately this led to depression, frustration, anger, confusion, disorientation and dissociation because we couldn’t express our Love and Light fully. We gave in, because not to do so would have destroyed us. This is an important statement for ultimately we chose to hide our capacities. Yes, we were traumatized, but it was our behavioral choices based on those traumas that effects are lives in the present moment.

So in order to please those around us and insure our safety we live other’s expectation of what our lives should be instead of following our heart’s yearnings and callings. Our authority was stripped away by our parents in power struggles that removed our personal boundaries and left us open to be preyed upon for the rest of our lives by our family, friends, schools, politicians and anyone else who realized that we do not have the capacity to say “No!”

But we’re designed to want to use our gifts to benefit others. We’re designed to serve. That is what truly makes the human heart expand. And that’s what human life is all about – to constantly increase our heart’s capacity to express Love and Light by service to others.

So this blog should be about empowering the reader to increase their heart’s capacity for Love, to take back their authority and power, to help them own and express their innate gifts completely and without reservation. That’s all any of us wants to do, to freely express our gifts, our creativity, our thoughts, our whole Being without judgment or condemnation, to be completely accepted and supported by those who say they love us. And acceptance is key here. We’ve taken a poor substitute for acceptance in our society – tolerance.

Let me give you some of my definitions:

Intolerance: I hate you or what you stand for and I’m going to do something about it.

Tolerance: I hate you or what you stand for, but I can’t do anything about it at this time.

Acceptance: I love you just the way you are and benefit from your presence on the planet.

Tolerance is not going to get us there. Acceptance will. Tolerance still has judgment and moral valuation associated with it. Acceptance simply let’s life be as life is. Acceptance allows our heart to expand. This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us, but it allows us to relax around the understanding that everyone is expressing their traumas via their neuroses and psychoses and we don’t need to take their stuff personally.

So this is our predicament. We live in constant fear of people getting to our essence qualities of Being, so we have to put up facades to protect ourselves and thus give up the expression of our True Nature on this planet. But we’re actually here to express our True Nature so it’s time we grew up, as in, freeing all of our unresolved emotional turmoil so that our emotional body can become unblocked and our emotions can mature. Remember, each believe system / contract we live our life by has an emotional charge anchored to it and it is that emotional charge that seems to pull us back to the past, not to relive the trauma, but to integrate the emotion fully.

More ramblings to come…